As a latino nothing would make me happier than seeing you succeed in raising millions of dollars and then fail catastrophically to deliver anything of value, like 95% of American tech startups. Show them we can also sell snake oil at the highest level of bullshit!
I would like to be the first volunteer to join this venerable long-term project. I see my role as “an adaptor cable” that is Caucasian male VC-compatible on one end, and Dvanash & multiethnic women into the other slot. As a highly convincing white male “junior VC” who speaks “tech-bro” without any discernible accent - would set up the meetings on Sand Hill Road, donning the Zegna hand-tailored suit (no tie, of course…this *is* the valley, after all) while the doors swing open for us.
VC’s invariably look for companies that have rapid and sustained growth (and negative cash flow & hefty burn rates, and no matter what, MUST have a burn rate that requires 7 to 10 rounds of exponentially increasing investment series / rounds (of course).
Beating (I.e. out-defrauding) relatively minor players like the kids at Y-combinator will be training exercises. Then when we get to Unicorn stage, Devansh takes over and pitches the multiracial / multi gender “new thought leaders” who “did the real engineering”.
We SPAC onto the public equities markets, “look busy” for 6 months or so, and go bankrupt.
The unspent $12-23 billion defines the prize. Before you know it, we’ve “gone international”, meaning we have moved to places where the money can be used to help developing countries (as long as there are no extradition treaties).
I have several really good fraud scenarios already thought out, some of which will prove irresistible to the (white male) decision makers on Sand Hill.
As a latino nothing would make me happier than seeing you succeed in raising millions of dollars and then fail catastrophically to deliver anything of value, like 95% of American tech startups. Show them we can also sell snake oil at the highest level of bullshit!
Bescheidenheit ist eine Zier, doch weiter kommt man ohne ihr!
So what’s next?
Nicely done. Made me smile after reading all of the day’s political summaries. Thank you.
Best April Fools article ever!
I would like to be the first volunteer to join this venerable long-term project. I see my role as “an adaptor cable” that is Caucasian male VC-compatible on one end, and Dvanash & multiethnic women into the other slot. As a highly convincing white male “junior VC” who speaks “tech-bro” without any discernible accent - would set up the meetings on Sand Hill Road, donning the Zegna hand-tailored suit (no tie, of course…this *is* the valley, after all) while the doors swing open for us.
VC’s invariably look for companies that have rapid and sustained growth (and negative cash flow & hefty burn rates, and no matter what, MUST have a burn rate that requires 7 to 10 rounds of exponentially increasing investment series / rounds (of course).
Beating (I.e. out-defrauding) relatively minor players like the kids at Y-combinator will be training exercises. Then when we get to Unicorn stage, Devansh takes over and pitches the multiracial / multi gender “new thought leaders” who “did the real engineering”.
We SPAC onto the public equities markets, “look busy” for 6 months or so, and go bankrupt.
The unspent $12-23 billion defines the prize. Before you know it, we’ve “gone international”, meaning we have moved to places where the money can be used to help developing countries (as long as there are no extradition treaties).
I have several really good fraud scenarios already thought out, some of which will prove irresistible to the (white male) decision makers on Sand Hill.
Davansh - keep me posted! I’m all-in!
Bill